'I'm broken': Women enduring domestic violence during Israel's war on Gaza | Israel-Palestine Conflicts News

Khan Younis, Gaza – The face of Samar Ahmed, 37, shows clear signs of fatigue.

It's not just that she has five children, or that they've been evicted multiple times since Israel's brutal war on Gaza began 14 months ago and now live in cramped, cold makeshift tents in the al-Mawasi neighborhood. Khan Younis. Samar is also a victim of domestic violence and has no way to escape from his abuser under the cramped conditions of the camp.

Two days ago, her husband punched her in the face, leaving her with a swollen cheek and a bloodstained eye. Her oldest daughter clung to her all night following the attack, which happened in front of the children.

Samar does not want to break up his family – they have already been forced to leave Gaza City, to the Shati camp in Rafah and now to Khan Younis – and the children are young. His eldest daughter, Laila, is only 15 years old. She also has 12-year-old Zain, 10-year-old Dana, seven-year-old Lana and five-year-old Adi to think about.

On the day Al Jazeera visited her, she was trying to keep her two young daughters busy with school work. Sitting together in a small tent, made of cloth, the three put notebooks next to them. Little Dana huddled next to her mother, seemingly wanting to support her. His younger sister is crying of hunger and Samar seems confused about how to help them both.

Like an uprooted family, the loss of privacy added a new layer of stress.

“I have lost my place as a woman and a wife in this place. I don't want to say that my life was perfect before the war, but I was able to express what was inside me when I talked to my husband. I could shout without anyone hearing me,” said Samar. “I was able to control my children a lot in my home. Here, I live on the street and the cover of concealment has been lifted from my life. “

A big argument between husband and wife is coming from the tent next door. Samar's face turns red from embarrassment and sadness as it is full of insults. He doesn't want his children to hear this.

Her instinct is to tell the children to go out and play, but Laila is washing the dishes in a small bowl of water and the neighbor's argument brings her problems back to her senses.

“Every day I face anxiety because of disagreements with my husband. Two days ago, I was very scared to be beaten like this in front of my children. All our neighbors heard my screams and cries and came to ease the situation between us.

“I felt sad,” said Samar, worried the neighbors would think she was the one to blame – that her husband was shouting loudly because she was a bad wife.

“Sometimes when he screams and swears, I keep quiet so that those around us think he is yelling at someone else. I'm trying to keep my dignity a little,” he said.

Samar tries to stop her husband's anger by trying to solve the problems facing the family. He visits aid workers every day to ask for food. She believes that it is the pressures of the war that made her husband this way.

Before the war, he worked in a small carpentry shop with a friend and this kept him busy. There were a few arguments.

Now she says: “Because of the great rift between me and my husband, I wanted a divorce. But I was hesitant because of my children.”

Samar attends counseling sessions with other women, to try to release the negative energy and anxiety structure within her. It helps him to know that he is not alone. “I hear the stories of many women and I try to console myself with what I am going through, what they have gone through.”

As he speaks, Samar gets up to prepare the food. She is worried about when her husband will return and whether there will be enough food. A plate of beans with cold bread is all he can stomach right now. He cannot light a fire because there is no gas.

Suddenly, Samar was silent, fearing that there was a voice coming from outside of her husband. It doesn't.

He asked his daughters to sit down and look at their math problems. He whispers: “He came out shouting for Adi. I hope you are in good shape.”

'War did this to us'

Later, Samar's husband, Karim Badwan, 42, sits next to his daughters, crammed into the small tent where they live.

He is desperate. “This is not life. I do not understand what I am living. I try to adapt to these difficult situations, but I fail. I have become a working and disciplined man instead of a man who is always angry.”

Karim says he is very disappointed that he has beaten his wife many times since the war started.

“I hope the war will end before my wife gives up and leaves me,” he said. “My wife is a good woman, so she tolerates what I say.”

Tears streamed down Samar's wounded face as he listened.

Karim says he knows what he is doing is wrong. Before the battle, he never dreamed that he could hurt her.

“I had friends who used to beat their wives. I used to say: 'How do you sleep at night?' Unfortunately, now I do.

“I did it more than once, but the hardest time was when I left a mark on his face and eye. I agree that this is a big failure in terms of self-control,” said Karim, his voice trembling.

“The pressures of war are great. I left my home, my job and my future and I am sitting here in a tent, powerless in front of my children. I can't find a job and when I leave the tent I feel that if I talk to anyone I will lose my temper.”

Karim knows that his wife and children have endured a lot. “I apologize to them for my behavior, but I continue to do it. Maybe I need medicine, but my wife is not worth all this. I'm trying to stop so he won't leave me.”

Samar's despair is compounded by the loss of her family that she left in the north to escape the bombing there with her husband and family. Now, he is very lonely.

The biggest fear is that she will lose her strength and not be able to take care of her family, as her husband already worries.

The responsibility of getting water and food, taking care of the children, and thinking about their future, everything has become difficult and she lives in constant fear.

'I'm trying to be strong for my mother'

As an older child, Laila becomes very anxious because of her father's fight with her mother and is afraid of her mother.

He says: “My father and mother argue every day. My mother suffers from a strange fear. Sometimes he yells at me for no reason. I try to be patient and understand his situation so that I don't lose him. I don't like to see him in this situation, but the war has done all this.”

Laila still sees Karim as a good father and blames the world for allowing this brutal war to go on for so long. “My father scolds me a lot. Sometimes he beats my sisters. My mother cries all night and wakes up with swollen eyes because of the grief because of what we are living.”

He sits in his bed for hours thinking about their lives before the war and his plans to learn English.

“I'm trying to be strong for my mother.”

'Unthinkable circumstances'

A family is not one. In Gaza, there has been a significant increase in domestic violence with more women attending psychological support sessions provided by aid workers at clinics.

Kholoud Abu Hajir, a psychologist, has met many victims since the start of the war in clinics in displacement camps. However, he fears that there are too many who are too shy to talk about it.

“There is a lot of secrecy and fear among women about talking about it,” he said. “I have received many cases of violence outside of group meetings – women who want to talk about what they are suffering from and ask for help.”

Living in an unstable and insecure environment, enduring repeated displacements and being forced to live in overcrowded tents has robbed women of their independence, leaving them with nowhere to turn.

“There is no perfect plan for psychotherapy,” Abu Hajir tells Al Jazeera. “We only work in emergencies. The cases we deal with are often demanding, and some of them are difficult situations where women need to be protected.

“There are very serious cases of violence that amount to sexual assault, and this is dangerous.”

The number of divorces has increased – many among couples separated by Israel's armed corridor between north and south.

The war has taken a toll on women and children, especially, Abu Hajir said.

Nevin al-Barbari, 35, a psychologist, says it is impossible to give children in Gaza the support they need in these situations.

“The sad thing is that what children face during war cannot be explained. They need very long psychological support sessions. Hundreds of thousands of children have lost their homes, lost a family member, and many of them have lost their entire families.”

Being forced to live in difficult – and sometimes violent – family conditions has made life worse for many.

“There is clear and widespread family violence among refugees in particular… Children's psychological and moral attitudes are severely affected. Some children have become violent and beat other children violently.”

Recently, al-Barbari came across a 10-year-old boy who hit another boy with a stick, causing him to be badly injured and bleeding.

He says: “When I met this child, he kept crying. “He thought I was going to punish him. When I asked him about his family, he told me that his mother and father are fighting every day and his mother goes to his tent for days.

“He said he missed his home, his room and the way his family used to live. This child is a typical example for thousands of children.”

It will be a long road to recovery for these children, al-Barbari said. “There are no schools where they live. The children are forced to bear huge responsibilities, filling water and waiting in long lines to receive food aid. There are no recreational facilities for them.

“There are many stories we don't know, these children live every day.”