Tthe case of Dominique Pelicot, a man from the south of France who pleaded guilty in September to charges of secretly drugging his 50-year-old wife, Gisèle, and, over the course of a decade, filmed scores of men who had sex with her. her while she was sleeping, she would have disturbed enough the story of a very wicked husband. But the more confusing and frightening questions are about other men. Who were they? How could they do it? How is it possible that there are so many men willing to rape an unconscious woman?
In the five weeks since the trial, which began on September 2 in Avignon, five judges—and shocked spectators from around the world—have had the opportunity to listen to several of Dominique Pelicot's 50 prisoners, most of whom have been charged. with bad rape. It would be comforting to think that there are more psychopaths and sexual disorders in that part of France than in other places, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
Apparently, Dominique Pelicot, 71, is a confused, manipulative and dangerous person. But most of the suspects are amazing men with no criminal record who say they are not guilty of rape. Many gave similar reasons for their behavior: they did not think it was inappropriate. They thought they had a license to sleep with Mrs. Pelicot, because they had permission from Mr. Pelicot.
One of the defendants, a 43-year-old carpenter, who went to Pelicot in October 2019 and again in January 2020, told jurors that after Dominique Pelicot told him that Gisèle, now 72, was a willing partner. game, he didn't think too much about his determination. “He was at the couple's house, invited by the husband,” he said. “Now that I am told how things happened, yes the actions I did will be similar to rape,” he added, but he still says he is innocent in this case.
Another man, a 37-year-old unemployed agricultural worker, accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot on New Year's Eve 2018, insisted that he had no intention of raping her. “Since the husband had given me permission, in my mind he agreed,” he said. A 40-year-old computer technician with two university degrees had a similar excuse for his alleged crime in June 2020. He said: “I did not go there with the intention of committing a crime. “I had no idea that Mrs. Pelicot didn't approve.”
If we take these men at their word—and there are certainly reasons not to—they sincerely believe that if a man allows someone to sleep with his wife, then the wife is available for sex. Considering that Dominique Pelicot fooled many people, including his relatives, who said they always thought their family was a happy family, it is clear that these men thought they were dealing with a normal partner with an unusual kink. But, and here's the rub, that means they think too that men can give access to their wives' bodies. In France. In 2023.
What does it say about society that men still give their husbands this kind of authority? If it was the woman's brother or father or cousin, would the men still continue? It's impossible. They were going to call the police. If the shoe is on the other foot, and the wife invites the women to commit minor infractions, such as stealing the husband's car and taking it for a joyride while he sleeps in the back seat, saying that his partner enjoys the adventure of waking up in an unknown place, would the women go ahead without checking the husband first? Okay, maybe some, but 50?
So strong is the reputation of husbands as protectors of wives and families that these men can be said to have been tricked into raping Gisèle Pelicot, who was in court watching their testimony during the trial and testifying. Many of the suspects brought wives, girlfriends, sisters and mothers to the court to testify about their behavior, to explain that these men are not real rapists, although their support is reduced by the fact that these men met Dominique by phone. an online forum called “son insu,” which means “without his knowledge.” Gisèle Pelicot, who has divorced Dominique, spoke to those women during her testimony on Oct. 23. She noted that she didn't used to think that her husband was a rapist. “A rapist is not just someone you meet in a dark parking lot at night,” she said. “He can be found again in the family, among friends.”
At least one of the defendants argued that he was told that Gisèle was pretending to be asleep because she was embarrassed. Others said that they were pointed in the direction of Dominique when they got home or that they suspected that he had fed them drugs. Two said they were gay and were hoping to sleep with Dominique. And a shockingly large number said they were sexually abused at a young age. Still, “her husband said I can” has been a common theme in their testimony, perhaps because their lawyers see it as the strongest legal defense they have. Perhaps it is this, even the mental behavior of Dominique Pelicot, that weakens the muscles of many women. This recognition that women are at risk is not only from husbands who have bad intentions, but in a society where husbands are in such a high position that you do not doubt the complicated situations when the man of the house is present.
So far, no one has come forward and said that they went to Pelicot and left in fear. The police did not issue reports from visitors who saw something wrong and raised the alarm. Pelicot was exposed because he was caught by a security guard filming up women's skirts in 2020, and police found a cache of pornography on his devices, including videos of his wife in a folder labeled “abuse.” There are no heroic men in this story, except those whose job it is to solve crimes. There is, of course, a female hero: Gisèle Pelicot. If not for his willingness to make the case public and his willingness to withdraw his name, it may have attracted much less attention.
Marriage has been a fundamental institution of social organization and raising young children for centuries. Many reports suggest that you are now in a state of disrepair, despite strong evidence that a good marriage promotes health and happiness. Perhaps this case adds to the list of possible reasons why. The institution is caught between two very different public expectations. On the other hand, marriage is still seen as a fixed power structure, with men at the head, rather than as an agreement between two equals to cast their lot together. On the other hand, marriage no longer offers a strong idea of monogamy, fidelity, or exclusivity. A wedding ring has a diminishing power as a repellant to other men's sexual ways.
In other words, people hold Victorian ideas about power in marriage, but the ideas of the 1970s about the willingness of all people, including women, to respond to all sexual desires at all times, regardless of context. Conservative and libertine at the same time. The combination of these two beliefs is especially tricky for women, as this case has proven. When people believe that the husband calls the shots in the marriage again they can tell themselves that someone is available for sex regardless of the situation, leaving the wives open to being courted.
Women can now earn their own money. They can have children without a partner. There is no small stigma associated with being single. Obviously, very few husbands are as diabolical as Dominique Pelicot and not all men are rapists, but one of the advantages of marriage for women used to be a measure of security: not just from poverty or physical attacks, but from what is expected of other men. If marriage doesn't make women feel safe, maybe that's another reason to go solo.
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